Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
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