Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
