He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
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