I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
The convent might be a nice break from real life
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
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