I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
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