my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
he was CRYING into my vagina
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
