I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Randomize
