I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
