Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
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