you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Randomize
