So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
Randomize
