Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
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