mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
Randomize
