Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
Randomize
