we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
Randomize
