The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
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