Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
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