Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
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