New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Randomize
