Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize