hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Randomize
