i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
Randomize