somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
