If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
Randomize
