No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
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