Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Randomize
