Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
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