So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
Randomize
