youre lurking in front of me
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
Randomize
