so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
Randomize
