i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Randomize
