Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
Never joke about your clitoris.
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
Randomize
