he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Randomize
