Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
i think my cat just said my name.
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
Randomize
