I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
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