I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
soo... how was my night?
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Randomize
