the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
Randomize
