I seem to have left my pride at pride
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Randomize
