I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
Randomize
