You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Randomize
