Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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