Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
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