You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
