what do you have against ST
DO NOT ABBREVIATE LIKE YOU AND STAR TREK ARE FRIENDS.
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize
