Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
Randomize