Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
