hdsncx Gizmo asnqw toilet blanasdi
ok, stay where you are, be there soon
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
Randomize
