About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
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