evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
I know her cup size but not her name....
Randomize
