You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
Just invented taco cereal.
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
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