i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
Randomize
