The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
Randomize
