Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
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