Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
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