Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
Randomize
