What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Randomize
