i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
whose parrot is this?
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
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