i'm signing you up for texting rehab
it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
Randomize
