Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
Randomize
