Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
So here I am, sexting at work.
Randomize
