Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
he just fucked me for my cheese..
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
Randomize
