Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
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