im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
Even the bartender felt bad for me
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
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