Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
