you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
Randomize