the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
Randomize
