He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
What I dont get about To Catch a Predator is who the fuck still uses chat rooms?
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
God, I missed his penis.
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